


To an Introspective Beat

by izumidos



Series: AkaKuro Week 2017 [2]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: AkaKuro Week 2017, Boys In Love, Fluff, Gen, Introspection, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-17 14:19:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10595769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izumidos/pseuds/izumidos
Summary: Sometimes, introspection leads to a dive into their mind that's far deeper than one might originally want to, and they lose themselves in it.It leaves Kuroko unsettled, and he always ends up losing himself in some type of space in his mind,





	

**Author's Note:**

> title is inspired by Holding On To You by twenty one pilots.
> 
> anyways **IMPORTANT NOTE** : there's one/two scenes, depending on the person, that i find might be kinda iffy?? this one-shot revolves around the idea of losing control of your physical body because you're so into your thinking, and i realize it can somewhat resemble dissociative disorders, BUT IT IS NOT MEANT TO BE THAT. it's akin to like losing yourself in a daydream; that's the effect i was aiming for. secondly, the scene where Akashi appears and finds Kuroko on the rooftop like that, it's not meant to be anything super serious as well. Kuroko doesn't feel that way anymore, but please remember that he's lost in his thoughts/memories, and it's not the kindest that's he remembering. if there's anything that's just super wrong, PLEASE TELL ME! i'll fix it as best i can immediately with your help! ty!!
> 
> long note, but important!! anyway, enjoy!!

There’s something refreshing about standing on the school rooftop – feeling the slowly darkening day’s cool winds hit you, the rush of adrenaline as you look down at the ground from almost dizzying heights, and the peacefulness that accompanies solidarity.

Kuroko likes the rooftop, likes spending all of his free time on it and thinking about whatever he wants to since no one came up there anyway. Even if they did, their gaze would just pass over him, and he’d stay in his spot, serene and content.

Except, sometimes it isn’t. It always starts serenely, but doesn’t always end that way.

While he already spent most of his free time on the roof, he found himself with too much lately ever since the basketball season ended with their win at the Winter Cup. Seirin had spent nearly a week celebrating with each other, but dispersed almost immediately to do their own things – they all had their own exams to take and pass, their own futures to start worrying about.

It leaves Kuroko unsettled, and he always ends up losing himself in some type of space in his mind; he stops functioning physically, it feels like, besides all of his basic ones like breathing. But there’s no more hearing, seeing, or anything really – it’s like he can’t process anything that isn’t in his mind.

His mind becomes soundproof, blocking out everything in the world besides his own self and his own thoughts. That’s when it gets to be the opposite of serene because for some godforsaken reason, the thoughts are always about Teikou. It always is.

A part of him always feels guilt for not thinking of Seirin whenever it happened, but the bigger part of him can’t deny that, as much as he loves them, they’ll never be Teikou; they’ll never leave a mark on his heart that’s deeper than the one Teikou had created.

It’s hard for anyone to come close to Teikou’s impact on Kuroko, not when the school hosted most of his happiest memories yet also his saddest; it had held the first group of friends that he considered himself a part of and the first group of friends that he fought for with tooth and nail. Most of all, though, it had held his first true love, his first returned love.

He reminisces of quiet days at the library, spent in the corner table with seats next to each other even though they’d be too immersed in their books to talk. He reminisces of too harsh training sessions and the concerned look in Akashi’s eyes, a hand always ready to help him up after murmurs of encouragement. He reminisces of screaming basketball club members, looming over him with sneers on their faces but never for long because Akashi is always there for him and looming over him too but with only a fierce protectiveness in his gaze.

He remembers standing by Akashi every day as they shared soft conversations and cryptic humor, slotting perfectly in their combined roles of the calm in the center of the storm.

At some point, it goes downhill, forcing him through memory banks of his most desperate days; the days of his last few months of third year where everything had ended so bleak.

“Tetsuya.”

Akashi had called him that, but no longer with the same lovestruck look in his eyes or the fond tone that accompanied his name. It was only a distanced, cold thing that had reminded Kuroko how unattainable Akashi Seijuurou was again.

“Tetsuya.”

It still sends chills down his spines to this day, the skin of his arms and stomach flaring up as if it was it was responding to it, as if it too was unable to resist Akashi’s commands. There’s something dangerous about it, how no matter what, all of Kuroko always seemed to respond to his love. Terrifying.

“Tetsuya.”

Terrifying, terrifying, terrifying; just like those days he had spent alone and thinking about his failure and Akashi’s change and the broken team and Akashi. Everything had become so piled up, burying him farther and farther into his hell.

And then–

“Tetsuya!”

Kuroko gasps as if he was coming up for breath after staying a long while in the water. He feels his body return to him, breath erratic and limbs numb. It takes a while for him to register everything completely, his vision not processing anything until a few moments later when Kuroko realizes again.

Sometimes, it happens – the feeling of being so distant from himself, of being so stuck in some thoughts that anything that wasn’t it stopped reaching Kuroko in the soundproof room that was his mind. And Kuroko comes back, he always does, but sometimes, he wonders what would happen if he didn’t.

“Tetsuya!”

His question is nearly answered, and it comes in the form of his still-blank gaze looming almost horizontally towards the ground. The only thing keeping him back is the harsh grip on his elbow, tight and fearful as it tugged Kuroko back.

Leave it to Akashi to always know where to be.

The smaller male falls into Akashi, back meeting chest as familiar arms curled around him. There’s a nose poking at the nape of Kuroko’s neck as puffs of warm air hit his skin and prickle; it’s only now that he realizes the sun had nearly set, the sky mostly navy blue now instead of light oranges or yellows. It’s gotten colder too, so he tucks himself closer to Akashi only to be suddenly pushed back and turned to face his lover.

“Tetsuya, what the hell were you thinking?”

Akashi’s hands are gripping Kuroko, still tight and fearful like the first time, as he looms over with the same overprotectiveness from their Teikou days.

“It was just another one of those times, Akashi-kun,” Kuroko explains quietly, moving the slightest bit to loosen the grip on his shoulders. Akashi complies almost immediately, but it finds itself around Kuroko’s waist.

“I’m fine, Akashi-kun,” Kuroko murmurs, hugging the redhead back loosely. “I’m still here.”

Akashi only clutches on tighter, burying his face into the teal locks of his lover’s hair and trying to ignore the fear that had seized him as he saw Kuroko’s tipping body; he knows that he’s still here, saved only by the lunging grip Akashi had, but he was so close to losing Kuroko again.

“Please don’t do that again. Don’t come onto this rooftop again.”

Kuroko only nods, hand moving up to run through the red strands as he placed soft butterfly kisses on Akashi’s cheeks and throat. “Don’t worry, Akashi-kun, okay? I’m here right now. Breathe easy now.”

A part of Kuroko can’t help but gaze at the railings of the roof in suppressed wonder, but he only shakes his head when his thoughts return to the man in his arms. There’s no need for such a thought when everything is quite bright now.

Because while yes, Teikou would always have the biggest impression on his heart, it wouldn't be the only one; it was a momentary part of his life, and he needs to let go of it now. Yes, it had held Akashi, helping their love blossom slowly and beautifully, even in their worst moments.

But there’s Akashi standing in front of him, eyes still a matching red and under furrowed, concerned brows. A frown adorns his face, now so expressive and openly emotional towards Kuroko that the blue-haired male sometimes feels his breath hitch at his love’s trust. Then there’s the slightly tight, but comforting hold that surrounds him as they stand on the rooftop of Seirin.

Kuroko remembers Winter Cup now – the electricity in the air as they stood across from each other, the weight on each of their shoulders to win for their different goals, and the liberation as they heard the echoing noise of the fourth quarter buzzer that sounded their end.

Akashi’s eyes, they had been back for a while in that game, but they’re back for good now. It was a beautiful thing, warm and kind in its scarlet shade as it accompanied the wide smile on his face; it had sent flutters through Kuroko’s heart.

Maybe it was coincidence, maybe it was fate, but no matter what it was, the two of them had ended up meeting halfway. First in a handshake, then a hug, slowly getting tighter and tighter until finally, there was too much of it – too much bidden love.

Electricity had crackled in the air before, but now the two of them were the conductors, hands trying to seek the other’s warmth before their lips met in their first kiss, their first symbol of their reunion, their first fixed promise of their new beginning.

Their newer, stronger love.

Kuroko feels his heart ache and his eyes starting to water. He tightens his hand around the fabric of Akashi’s shirt as he pulls away from the hug and steps back, tilting his head up to meet soft lips.

It’s not a fervent one like their first one at the Winter Cup, full of suppressed and uncertain emotions that didn’t truly get closure until then; it’s just a chaste kiss, long and slow burning as Kuroko tries to put all of the love he felt for Akashi and more.

There’s no need for lingering onto Teikou when there is Seirin now, and with Akashi returning his love once more.


End file.
